Are Schedules Made for Breaking?

I recently got a question from a reader and responded to it. It clarifies some of my thoughts related to relationships, ambition and organization, so I thought I would share it here.

Question:
"Just curious, are you secretly one day hoping for some man of your dreams character to come along and throw you off your schedule and change your life? Or do you ever feel like maybe you're organizing your life too much? I'm not saying you are, but a lot of the blog is organizing your life, and though you're not there now, it seems like you might progressively become a schedule book. Sometimes I want to become a schedule book, but just so I can break out of it."

Answer:
"Hmm... No, I don't secretly want a man to throw me off my path. As a matter of fact, the past few months I've become rather relationship phobic. I would say that I'm afraid someone will throw me off, but I'm not afraid of it because I know I wouldn't let it happen.

I schedule my time, but I schedule it so that I can fit in all the things that I love doing. When I was doing it without a schedule, I felt crazed and time-starved constantly. The fun things were falling to the wayside because I was running around distracted.

I leave big gaps in my schedule. Sunday, for example, has just a few items: run, write blogs, post blog. None of them have set times, it's more a loose to-do list. I fully intend to spend most of that day on the beach with my iPod, some Jack Johnson and a book (which will probably be used more as a pillow than for reading). And I shall eat strawberries and wonder what the poor people are doing (i.e. people in snow, not near water, etc.).

I understand what you mean though. I used to come up with schedules in college just so I could rebel against them - it made me feel spontaneous to be at Wal-Mart buying hula hoops at 1 am when I should have been writing my Vonnegut paper.

That you would consider someone to be rescuing you from your scheduled self makes me think that you don't enjoy schedules in the first place. Some people work well with highly-organized agendas, like me. I'm a terribly disorganized person in reality (you should see my apartment), so people marvel when they see my color-coded planner with my entire week neatly arranged. 

Why? Because I couldn't freakin' remember to do ANY of it if I didn't do this. If I were naturally organized and prompt, I wouldn't need multiple alarm clocks, a color-coded organization system, and e-mail reminders. If I were a naturally focused person, I wouldn't need productivity methods. I am simply a person who knows 1. her weaknesses, and 2. what she needs to do to accomplish her goals.

Do I want someone to rescue me? No. Do I want someone to share my beach blanket and smile back when I wonder what the poor people are doing? Sure. Do I want someone to sympathize with me when I get done with an 18-hour day? Absolutely. But I want someone who respects me enough to know that what I do is important to me and who supports me in it, who believes that I can do it - not someone who wants to 'take me away from it all.' 

I enjoy my life, so immensely. It's full, it's productive; readers (some friends, but mostly strangers) e-mail me and say what I'm writing is making a difference. That's why I do this. This is worth it to me. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Batch It Up - I'll Take It

On a recent road trip, I listened to “The Four-Hour Work Week” to make the most of my time. Now, I’m no productivity junkie (I’ve seen those people – it’s hilarious to watch how unproductive they are), but Ferriss had some ideas I found easy to put into action immediately. His concept of batching in particular has been useful for solving a problem I’ve been having lately with focus.

Ferriss uses the analogy of how T-shirts are batched, or produced in quantity at once, at screen printers. He recommends applying this concept to regular tasks you face at work; such as checking e-mail and voicemail only twice a day at specified times. By batching you save time because you are not stopping in the middle of one task to read and answer e-mail or the phone, throwing your focus off of the task you were working on.

Here’s what my new auto-response is on my e-mail: “Due to the volume of projects I currently have, I will only be answering e-mails at 11 am and 4 pm daily. If you have a time-sensitive, urgent matter, please call me at 555-5555. Thank you and have a great day.”

I don’t pick up the phone when it rings as a rule. My voicemail goes: “You’ve reached Holly, blah blah manager at XYZ. Due to the volume of projects I currently have, I am checking voicemail at 11 am and 4 pm daily. If you have an urgent, time-sensitive matter, please call my cell phone at 444-4444.”

This has actually been working. As a matter of fact, some of my coworkers actually apologize when they do get ahold of me saying, “We all know you’re busy, but I’m having problems with X.” This method forces them to be specific with their requests, using less of your precious time.

I have been able to apply this to other areas, as well. I started batching things for this blog, for example. On Sundays, I set time aside to write all of my posts for the upcoming week. This has been particularly effective. It can take me a while to get into the creative mindset I need to write, and it’s not very efficient to take 15 or 20 minutes to get there and quit after just one post. So, I write three or four on Sunday and don’t write any more during the rest of the week.

I have also batched responding to comments and e-mails regarding the site. I do that on Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays. Scheduling it has allowed me to keep up with it on a regular basis and to be consistent with readers. On Wednesdays, I respond to other blogs I have read and e-mail or network with other bloggers. Again, this has helped with regularity and consistency. It also ensures that I’m not up at midnight reading and responding to blogs every night when I ought to be sleeping.

What can you batch?

One Life, Two Jobs

I recently acquired a second job in addition to my regular 8-5 corporate job. It was meant to accomplish two things: 1. Give me practical experience in the field in which I aim to start a business one day, and 2. Give me a little extra income to put toward savings for a house and investments.

I thought long and hard before deciding to take on a second job. Would I be able to handle the hours out of my social life and other entrepreneurial ventures? What toll would it take on my primary job/career? Were my reasons solid enough to keep me interested and motivated when I got tired and missed the beach?

It’s important to understand that my second job was not driven by the second reason – additional income. In "Rich Woman," Kim Kiyosaki talks about finding your Why, the thing that is going to keep you going when you want to give up, when you want to be a ‘normal’ person instead of spending all of your free time like some kind of freak who has two jobs and two companies to run. Ahem…

My Why in this case is establishing my own coffee bar. I never imagined I could ever do anything so bold as owning my own café, but one fateful encounter brought me to the realization that given the right Why, I am capable of almost anything. And while I feel that my Why is a very strong one, I found myself burnt out and near tears at the end of my second weekend of my new job, screaming in my head that today will be the last day I work here.

Luckily for me, one of the other cafés I had applied to at the same time as Job A called me for an interview. I rushed from the end of my shift to the interview. This new place was heaven. It was exactly what I had wanted in the other job but wasn’t getting. The owner sat in on the interview and got excited as I answered the “What is your defining characteristic or passion?” question promptly and firmly: “Entrepreneurship.”

This was the ideal situation. The owners were starting this shop from scratch after they dreamed about it for a year or two. They were excited to take me under their wings and show me what they did and were doing. The shop also hadn’t opened yet, so I got to see everything from the ground up. I have been trained on all elements of the business, whereas the other job had me working only in one area, and it had nothing to do with coffee. Bonus: They were completely understanding and sensitive to me having a full-time job and the need to have a weekend day off (I could only work 7-hour shifts every weekend day at the other café).

Establish your Why
It is crucial that you have a rock-solid Why before you go into a second job. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish with your new job. Are you trying to gain experience to add to your resume or for a future endeavor? Are you working for additional income? If so, establish a really great Why for how you intend to use the money you make from it. Your free time is worth a lot, and most part-time jobs aren’t going to pay a lot. There has to be a bigger pay-off besides money. If you are saving for a new home or for an investment, then establish this as your Why.

Use your Why when the going gets tough
Even with the new, totally amazing job that I love, love, love, I still get tired. When it’s Saturday midnight and I’m finishing my shift for the second night in a row, I think about my girlfriends and how they are probably out dancing after a day at the beach. As I start down that slippery slope I close my eyes and conjure up images of my own future café. I picture my employees, my couches, me chatting up the regulars. I throw in the added bonus of imagining leaving my café and going home to that house I’m saving up for from the additional income. Once I’m home and in bed, I know I wouldn’t be happy doing it any other way.

Define what you want from your second job
What days and hours do you want to work? Exactly what functions would you like to be serving and what role would you like to be in? Define the ideal situation before you go into it so that you can gauge whether or not the position is going to benefit you. The problem I had with Job A wasn’t that my Why wasn’t strong enough; the problem was that the hours didn’t work for me and I wasn’t learning anything beneficial for my end goal. When I saw Job B, I knew right away it was what I wanted. I didn’t need the first one; I would’ve quit it whether or not the other place I offered me a position.

Don’t over-commit yourself
If I were being realistic when I accepted Job A, I would’ve realized that working Saturdays and Sundays 8-4 on top of my Monday-Friday 8-5 wasn’t going to work out well. By the end of the second week I was exhausted and a crazed mess. All I did for those two weeks was come home from whichever job and try to get up the energy to do laundry, dishes, etc. I wasn’t eating properly, I was skipping workouts, and I was skimping on my personal life big time. I was so unhappy, and everyone could see it. Job B allows me to work shifts on weekday evenings and will schedule me for only one weekend day because they agreed with me when I said if I didn’t have one day off I would “go nuts.”

Don’t waste your precious time, but don’t give up
If you simply are not getting what you want out of your second job, leave it. Your free time is too precious to waste. Just be honest with yourself – don’t leave a second job if it’s benefiting you just because you want to hit the bar more often. Most people go through life sleeping; the ones who are awake live in a constant state of amazement. Don't be content with the status quo - that's sleeping. You’ll know deep down whether or not it’s worth it. I knew Job A was without a doubt a major waste of my spare time. I had such a strong feeling about Job B, however, that it almost felt kismet that it appeared when it did. I think you’ll know, but if you aren't sure, give it a shot and quit if it’s not what you wanted.

If money is your Why…
If your Why is the additional income a second job will generate, I have a few suggestions for making it work. Put all of it toward your goal. It can be tempting to splurge on all those little things you’ve been denied based on your regular salary. Don’t give in. A few weeks into it you’ll lose your drive because you can’t see it adding up.

Set up a separate account for this new income. If possible set up a direct deposit for that paycheck into a savings account instead of your checking account. I use ING for my savings instead of my regular bank because it has a higher interest rate and it’s not as convenient to withdrawal from (I am often tempted when I get low on cash to dip into my savings, so ING’s 2-3 day withdrawal time is key for me).

Finally, put some kind of visual reminder of where that money is going somewhere where you’ll see it everyday. This will not only keeping you motivated, but it will keep you from spending it on a new set of plates you don’t need from Pier 1.

How I Asked for a Raise in a Down Economy – And Got It

First, let me admit that I talked about asking for a raise for about two months before I finally got the cojones to actually do it. But that’s sort of how I operate. I like to think I’m improving though.

It all started back around the end of December when I decided I wanted to buy a house. I got in touch with a friend of a friend who is a mortgage broker and we went over my financials.

Mortgage broker: ‘Holly, your DTI [debt-to-income ratio] is simply too high. You do not spend frivolously. I do not see how you could lower your debt much either. You simply do not make enough. Can you ask for a raise?’
Me: ‘Oh, yeah. Let me just go run and ask my boss for a raise and say my mortgage broker said I need it. That’s what I’ve been waiting for.’

I spent a good few weeks feeling hopeless, dejected and trying to figure out how to lower my debt, assuming that a raise was out of the question. As I struggled to find ways to lower my debt, I became frustrated and began to wonder just how little I made... Less than most dental hygenists it turned out. Less than the lower 10 percent of my profession in my state it turned out. Talk about a heightened sense of frustration.

From there I timidly started throwing out the idea to my closest friends: “I’m thinking about asking for a raise,” I’d say casually. And, seeing as I have the best friends in the whole world, all of them said, “Right on! You should! You deserve more!” Thanks, guys.

Then, I told two of my accountability partners. “I’m doing it on Monday,” I swore to my self-imposed bullshit-callers. Then, Monday evening I had to explain to them why I didn’t. A dozen lame excuses later, I realized the only one who was suffering bad pay was me.

I did a little bit of research online, but honestly unless you’ve never asked for a raise before, don’t really have a valid reason to do so, or don’t have a parent or mentor to explain it to you, then this is a waste of time. I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know, and all it did was give me a way to put off what I didn’t want to do. So one morning, armed with notes and government labor statistics, I meekly asked my boss if he had a minute.

I opened the conversation with a comment on not really knowing how raises worked (not quite true – I was very familiar with my company’s policies, which I highly recommend you know before going in), but that I had passed my six-month mark with no evaluation. He replied that raises usually came at the one year mark and in the form of 2-3 percent. Was this what I was looking for, he asked. Well, I replied, I was looking for something a little more substantial and pointed out the industry and market stats I had (briefly and in one easy sentence – no one wants to hear your research paper on the subject). He said he wasn’t sure what he could do, but that I was definitely on track for the small yearly bump.

Rejection. I went in the office bathroom and forced myself to suck back the tears. You’re a grown-up, for crying out loud, I told myself, and hey, at least you asked. Time to look for a new job, I thought. Bummer. I like my job, but nothing will stand in the way of me achieving my own home.

Imagine my surprise two days later when my boss asks me if I have a minute. Here’s what I’ll do for you, he says. Something close to the sum I was hoping for, plus my yearly bump when I get there. Hurrah! Take that soft economy and you financial naysayers! I visited the bathroom again, this time to do a little dance.

So what it did it really take to get my raise? The balls to ask for it. Show up and suit up, and stuff happens. Not showing up because you’re assuming you’ll lose is ridiculous. Know what you want, know what you’re worth and ask for it, politely and informed, and be prepared for one of three answers: yes, no or maybe. You don't have to demand or threaten to quit. The worst that can happen is they say no or I don’t know. Hey, I’ve been there and it’s still worth it.

No harm in asking.

Work: My Security Blanket

Like Linus, the Peanuts character whose blue blankie is ever-present, so I am with my tan-and-black workbag. It contains whatever two or three books I’m reading (currently Eat Pray Love, Rich Dad Poor Dad, and E-Myth), my planner, two journals (one personal and one career-related), pens, pencils, highlighters, and all the lovely little things that go in a normal purse.

I lug it around with me everywhere. I get razzed endlessly by my friends, family, or whoever else is around to be embarrassed by what is clearly too large and inappropriate for the movies, a restaurant, or shopping. “What do you need all that for?” is a frequently-asked question.

What do I need it all for? Well, just in case. In case of what? In case I have a free moment. In case I end up somewhere alone. Just in case.

So, here I am in my hometown of Pensacola for my grandfather’s funeral, lugging around my bag of work gear endlessly, not getting anything done. I have nothing to do. My work stuff is all at the office. Staying with relatives means no Internet (slinking away from relations for a daily dose of coffee and Internet seems addict-like), so I can’t work on the blog. Endless chaos and noise and relatives you’ve not seen for years do not make for an environment conducive to reading or journaling. So, my bag is useless.

Which means I CAN’T WORK. For some reason, this has me geeking out more than anything. I have no routine. All of my pet projects, all of my entrepreneurial endeavors, everything that has defined my waking (and sometimes sleeping) life is unavailable to me. A big gaping hole of non-productivity – that’s what I feel like. It’s like an itch that can’t be scratched. I guess the real problem is that I want to be back in my life.

In reality, I simply don’t want to be here – not here in Pensacola or at my grandfather’s funeral. I don’t want to be going through this.

I don’t think that it’s uncommon to use work as a security blanket. Often times, we simply don’t want to deal with the big emotional things looming larger than life – surely updating the margin widths of my website is of the utmost importance. Hmm…

I won’t go on a lengthy diatribe about how detrimental a workaholic attitude (the use of work as a way to not deal with emotional pain) can be. We know that it ruins marriages, families, relationships, and friendships, and can lead to even bigger isms (alcoholism, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression). It also doesn’t get you anywhere.

Someone once told me that painful things will happen in life and you’ll have an overwhelming urge to do something, anything about it. You will be frantic trying to find a way to fix it, to plug the hole through which emotion is flowing, like the Dutch boy with his finger in a dam. Unfortunately, we come across situations that we can’t do anything about. There is simply nothing to be done about losing two people you care very much about in less than two weeks. There is nothing to be done about 12-hour drives, crazy families and heartache. The only thing you can do is feel the pain. All you can do is simply stand.

I don’t really know how I made it through actually. I can tell you that I feel somehow stronger knowing that I came through all of it without any crutches. I know I can survive almost anything. Asking for a raise no longer seems like the earth-shattering event it was three weeks ago. The thought of not seeing that guy anymore is no longer life-altering. Everything seems somehow smaller, paltry. I know I weather any unexpected storm. I know I can stand.

Stand undeterred.

From Derailed to Steaming Ahead

Through a combination of events, some of them brought on by my own self and some of them acts of god, my life has completely and totally derailed in the past week. I mean, we're talking wrapped-around-a-garbage-can, laying-on-the-floor, we-might-need-to-go-the-emergency-room derailed. Part of this was shock from the loss of my friend, but part of it was also that I was simply pushing myself way too hard.

The Problem
My philosophy in life is to get out of the problem and into the solution. With the funeral behind me this morning and a still-full schedule ahead of me, I made an internal decision to get with the program today. After all, the apartment is unbelievably gross right now, laundry is unwashed, food spoiling in the fridge... it's all I could do to wake up and zombie-walk myself to where I'm supposed to be at any given hour this past week. But into the solution, right?

If you've got a full schedule and you're derailed, how do you get back on track? It can be difficult when you run a tight schedule to catch up on the things you missed and keep up the pace you're used to operating at. After all, you've pretty much just been bombed. Now that the shock has worn off, you have time to survey the debris.

The Solution
So, that's where I start. The apartment needs to be cleaned, the laundry done, the dishes put away and the fridge cleaned out and restocked (oh yeah, we've forgotten to eat haven't we?). The car needs the oil changed and the tires rotated. I need two new pairs of jeans and new running shoes. Oh crap, I forgot to pay the electric. Clearly, this is going to take a few hours. I don't have a few hours. I don't have a half-hour, for crying out loud. 

I wish I could say I had a magical solution, some brilliant piece of wisdom you'd never in a million years think of. But I don't. And that's unfortunate for both of us. Because my answer is to take half of Friday, the day I was supposed to be in Austin for South by Southwest with my best friend from NYC who I haven't seen in a year, and get all this crap done. It sucks, but that's all there is to it. 

'Be Excellent to Each Another'
Oh, the wisdom of Bill and Ted... The fact of the matter is I can't get back on track after something like this without taking the time to be good to myself. I've been treating my body like crap this week. I haven't eaten right; I haven't jogged, done yoga or slept. I am in debt. I cannot simply go back to cash; I have to pay off my deficit first or my body's interest will compound. And bad health debt has a high rate - 20% at least. It doesn't take long for it to get out of control.

Buddhists say the definition of suffering is the desire to be anywhere other than where you are. I wish this hadn't happened, I wish my little life hadn't been bombed, but it has. Now it's time to pick up the pieces, rebuild and move forward. Hopefully, life will balance out again soon. It's just going to take some patience with myself and a little time to be good to myself again.

Survey. Respond. Rebuild.

Something Profound

Well, dear readers, if I am out-of-pocket the next few days I hope my excuse is valid. I lost a very dear friend this weekend. I am still sorting through the emotions, and the shock has only just worn off in the past few hours. Every hour brings a new emotion, a renewed sense of sadness and loss, and a glimpse of the profundity of this event. I know that something is happening in my soul right now that will impact me forever. I don't know what it is yet, but that's part of the ante when you agree to let life guide you.

My thoughts are with my friend's family, and I pray that they feel a sense of peace and serenity despite their loss. Maureen was a beautiful woman and I am more grateful than I can say that she was my friend and that I was hers. A great fire has gone out. 

On Traveling Well

I am an ambitious person. At certain points in my life, even certain points in my day, I would say it is my defining characteristic. Ambition is a delicate dance, at least for me. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish and I tend to charge at them full-speed, burning the candle at both ends. This is how I love to live.

This is my life:

• Monday through Friday I work at my main job as a market research analyst from 8-5pm. 
  
• Saturday and Sunday I work a part-time job as a baker from 8-3pm.
• I jog for half-an-hour four times a week.
• I try to post three or four times a week on this blog on weeknights when I get home from my jog.
  
• On Wednesday I meet with my entrepreneurship group from 5:30-7pm.
  
• I’m about to begin IT freelance work one or two nights a week.
  
• I actually attempt to date and have a social life somewhere in this.

So, now you might imagine a frazzled, gnarly-looking woman running around trying to get all this stuff done. OK, yes, sometimes I am her. But most of the time I’m not. Time management is not my problem. Being present in my life is my problem.

Being so goal-driven and ambitious can turn even the most balanced person into someone who lives in and for the future. This is exactly the kind of person I don’t want to be. It might sound trite but living in the moment really is about taking the time to notice the little things around you.

For example, I make a point to jog in what must be the most gorgeous and inspiring scenic area in my town. Every time I hit a certain hill and look over the cliffs down to the ocean, I smile and realize how great it is to be exactly where I am right then - that the weather is nice, that the ocean smells salty, that I have the ability to run, that I have the life I always wanted but never went after. That’s being present.

I am not always present in my life. Sometimes I hit that same hill and I’m calculating how much more that raise got me per month and whether it would be better to put it toward my car payment, credit card payment or into savings. I try to calculate the percentages. I think about what I have to do when I get home. I am not being at that moment; I am a “being-for-the-future.”

At the end of the days when I don’t live in the moment, I realize that no one point in the day sticks out to me. I know somehow that I won’t remember this day in a few years, or even a few weeks or days. It was just another day in a series of days in this period of my life. I don’t like that feeling. I don’t want to waste my days.

It may seem morose, but I try to keep myself in touch with my mortality. I try to be the best version of myself in my everyday interactions with others, toward myself, in my personal and professional relationships. I fall short most days. Most days I don’t want to remember that today is all I have.

Make plans for the future. Work your ass off to get to your goals, but enjoy the process. Be present in your life. Blow off studying for a great conversation with a friend. That conversation may be the one that gets you where you need to be. I believe that the little things in life are what create the biggest changes, like the butterfly flapping its wings causes a tidal wave halfway around the world.

Buddha said, “It is better to travel well than it is to arrive.” I don’t want to get to where I plan to be in 10 years and say, “OK, now my life can begin.” All you have is today. Decide what kind of person you want to be in the world and be that person just for today. 

Who do you want to be today?